


The Opposite of Stress is Relaxation

by speccygeekgrrl



Category: A.P. Bio (TV)
Genre: (or actually the strident refusal of teacher/student roleplay), Blood and Injury, Caretaking, Hand Jobs, M/M, Medical Kink, Pajamas & Sleepwear, Sleepovers, Sleepwalking, Teacher/Student Roleplay, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 15:43:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18034478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/pseuds/speccygeekgrrl
Summary: Ralph's sleepwalking is caused by stress, and it is driving Jack up a wall. Clearly the solution is to make sure Ralph is relaxed before he goes to sleep, right? Makes sense to Jack, anyways.





	The Opposite of Stress is Relaxation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a bad person who enjoys forcing jerks to show tenderness in fanfiction. I'm also passionate about Patton Oswalt. The only surprising thing about this fic is that it took me until the release of season 2 to write it. I _intended_ to write some gen fluff to ease myself into the productive side of the fandom, but.... nah, let's go for the dirty stuff right out of the gate. Excuse how fluffy this is, I know Jack is way more of an asshole than this but I don't know how to do anything but fluff and smut.
> 
> This is supposed to be a Kink Bingo line fill, but I went really light on some of the prompts, which were: ritual, tickling, medical kink, roleplay, and washing/bathing. 
> 
> This is canon divergence after "Durbin Crashes" assuming that Jack lets Ralph stay with him indefinitely after Brenda kicks him out.
> 
> Just for the record, I posted this 22 minutes before the season 2 premiere, in case something totally josses this right off the bat.

Jack would never admit out loud to anyone that he was rapidly getting used to Ralph's presence in his home, but... the little dork was kind of endearing, and he wasn't terrible company, and there was an awful lot of booze in the house now and that certainly made dealing with his more irritating quirks a little easier. It was nice to have someone to talk to who genuinely hung on Jack's every word, and there were worse things than having a drink or five before bed every night with Ralph even if he did get all weird about saying good night every single time.

The sleepwalking thing was the real problem. There was no way Jack could sleep through Ralph's weird recurring dreams being acted out all over the house, especially not when he actually came into the bedroom and shouted right at Jack. After the first couple of nights, Jack decided that if he was going to be tormented, he might as well have some fun with it, and left some clutter on the floor between the door and his bed to see if Ralph could navigate it while asleep, which was quickly and conclusively proven to not be the case.

"This way, quickly, you'll be safe in—" Jack opened his eyes just in time to watch Ralph trip over a laundry basket and land in a heap next to the bed, his head knocking against the bed frame with an alarmingly loud crack. "Ow! What the hell?" Ralph yelped, sitting up to find Jack snickering at him. "Where am— Jack? Is this your room?"

"Yeah, it's my room," Jack said, and he leaned over to turn on a light and then winced. "You're, uh... you're bleeding."

Ralph's fingers prodded his own forehead and came away wet and red. "Oh," he said faintly. "I'm... wow, my head hurts."

"Looks like you need a visit to the nurse's office," Jack said, helping Ralph off the floor in a rare bout of guilt-induced kindness and leading him into the bathroom. "Sit down there... yeah. How do you not get hurt all the time with these stress dreams, man? You're wandering all over the place every night."

"I don't open deadbolt locks when I'm asleep," Ralph said, wincing as Jack wet a towel and carefully washed the blood off his face. "Keeps me in the house, at least. And I do get hurt sometimes, I just usually don't realize it until I wake up in the morning with another weird bruise or something. That's why Brenda never had to nag me to keep the house clean, I knew I'd stumble over whatever got left on the floor."

"Weird way to enforce the housework," Jack said. "Look at me?" Ralph blinked up at him, a question in his dark eyes, and Jack shook his head. "Well, you don't look concussed, at least. Here, hold this..." Obediently, Ralph put his hand on a wad of gauze Jack put on his cut as Jack dug around the ridiculous quantity of medical supplies his mom had left behind in the bathroom cabinet. "There we go," he said as he found a box of butterfly bandages and pulled one out, turning around with a mock-stern look. "Now, Mr. Durbin, I hope you'll take this as a lesson about running in the halls..."

"Oh, _don't_ , Jack," Ralph said, turning red as Jack removed the gauze and applied the bandage. "That's... not the kind of thing we should even joke about."

"What, you never indulge the sexy school nurse fantasy?" Ralph's eyes widened at the word _sexy_ and he bit his lip, drawing Jack's gaze for a moment before he doubled down on his questioning. "You and Brenda never did the bad student sent to the principal thing?"

"No!" Ralph yelped. "That's so— so inappropriate!"

"God, you're tame," Jack sighed, smirking hard. "C'mon, Ralph, dish the dirt. What's your weird thing? Everyone's got at least one. Do _you_ like being the bad student?"

"I don't have a 'weird thing' about school related roleplaying," Ralph insisted, "that's just a completely not okay kink for a school administrator to have, it's... it's icky."

"Icky," Jack repeated, brows arched. "Okay, I know we're not allowed to teach the kids sex ed, but do we as adults have to be stuck in that regressive attitude?"

"I'm not _regressive_! I'm— I just— that's not what I'm into, all right?"

"So tell me what you _are_ into." The teasing got under Ralph's skin, which was exactly what Jack intended it to do, dragging a whine out of his throat before he spoke up.

"I like being tickled, okay? That's part of the reason Philip's in teacher jail. He kept tickling me and it was... not behavior I could allow at school without ending up completely embarrassed myself." Ralph was bright pink from the admission, and he flinched when Jack reached for him, but all Jack did was offer him a hand to help him stand up.

"That's so on brand for you," Jack said. "Come with me."

"Why?"

"I have an idea about defusing your stress dreams."

"Okay...." Ralph didn't seem to notice Jack nudging the things he'd left on the floor aside with his feet as he was lead back to the bed, tired and stunned and uncertain as he was. “Wh-what’s your idea?”

“The opposite of stress is relaxation,” Jack said, and gave Ralph a nudge until he sat on the edge of the bed. “You, my friend, need to relax. You’re all wound up. And who can blame you? You’re going through a difficult moment.”

“That’s… true,” Ralph said, swallowing when Jack’s hands smoothed down his shoulders and arms, a brisk touch through the softness of his flannel pajamas. “So you’re, um…”

“I’m helping,” Jack said with a smile that did not look helpful at all, and he dug his fingers into Ralph’s sides. Ralph yelped and fell back on his elbows, leaving himself wide open to Jack’s tickling without even a pretense of resistance, and dissolved into wriggling and giggling immediately. It was… _adorable_ , ridiculously cute, or it would have been cute if Jack weren’t acutely aware of how quickly this was arousing not only Ralph but also Jack himself. 

“Oh—! Oh, please,” Ralph gasped through his laughter, “please, Jack—” His feet drummed against the edge of the bed, and Jack smirked and moved his hands, tickling Ralph under his arms next.

“When’s the last time you got off before bed?” Jack asked, and Ralph shook his head helplessly.

“I don’t— I can’t remember! Too long. Really long. Jack, _please_!” 

“You’re good at begging,” Jack said. “I like that. Please what?”

“Please don’t stop touching me!” The desperation in Ralph’s voice went straight to Jack’s cock. Jack’s hands relocated again, one on Ralph’s hip and one going between his legs to find the proof that tickling was _definitely_ Ralph’s kink. “Ohh…”

“Huh, if this is what happens when you get tickled, I definitely see why Philip had to go away,” Jack said teasingly, stroking Ralph through his pajamas with a firm touch that made Ralph whimper. “I bet you had to lock yourself in your office after he got at you.”

“Stop making fun of me,” Ralph said weakly, and Jack laughed.

“Making fun— you think I’m making fun of you?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Truthfully? That was how I started, but I’m kinda getting into the thought of you all worked up and having to hide until you’re presentable again.” Jack let go of Ralph just long enough to plunge his hand under the waist of his pajamas and get a better grip on him with nothing between them. “This is dangerous knowledge for me to have, you know.”

“What _isn’t_ dangerous knowledge in your hands?” Ralph asked breathlessly, hips rising into Jack’s touch. “Please don’t tickle me at school…”

“I don’t need a reputation as a teacher tickler,” Jack laughed. “Or a principal tickler. Don’t worry, Ralph, there’s a point to me doing this now that would be lost during school hours.” He’d been worried that doing this with Ralph would inevitably bring up memories of doing this with Miles, but there was a universe of difference between the ex he hated and the boss he had to grudgingly admit he’d become fond of, their shapes and their sounds both so unique that there was a zero percent chance he’d zone out and forget who he was stroking off.

“Could you— um,” Ralph said, and bit his lip.

“Whatcha need, buddy?”

“Could you kiss me? I haven’t been kissed in—” Jack didn’t let Ralph finish whatever the depressing end to that sentence was going to be, just braced his free hand on the bed next to Ralph’s shoulder and bent to give him the kiss he wanted. It wasn’t much of a surprise when Ralph yelped into the kiss and came all over Jack’s hand and the inside of his pajamas when Jack bit his lip for him. “Oh, _Jack_ ,” Ralph sighed as he melted back against the bed.

“There you go,” Jack said, wiping his hand on the outside of Ralph’s pajamas since they were ruined already. “Bet you don’t sleepwalk again tonight.”

“Probably not…” 

“Your pajamas are a total loss,” Jack pointed out, stretching out on the bed next to Ralph. “There’s blood on the top and jizz on the bottoms.” 

“I don’t have another pair,” Ralph said, slowly peeling his eyes open to fix an altogether far too enamored look on Jack.

“Well, I don’t really want your naked ass on my couch, so you might as well ditch the clothes and get under the covers.” It was just because he was still horny, Jack told himself. He wasn’t opening his bed to Ralph forever… just tonight, so he could get off and have a warm, soft body to cuddle up to in the afterglow. He almost believed himself, too, until he thought about this scheme actually working as designed and how that would involve Ralph’s presence in his bed on a nightly basis.

“ _Really_? I mean, yes, sure, of course!” Ralph moved faster than Jack thought he could, standing up to strip off and then hesitating at the side of the bed when Jack’s gaze roved his body, shoulders curling in protectively for a moment before Ralph steeled himself and squared them. “Are you, um—?”

“Stop asking questions and put your body here,” Jack pointed to the other side of the bed, “and your hand here,” and he pointed to the very obvious erection showing through his sweatpants. “Unless you’re one of those selfish lovers…”

“I’m not selfish,” Ralph protested, following Jack’s orders obediently, hand pausing just above Jack’s cock before a determined look crossed his face and his fingers wrapped around Jack. “It’s very important to me to not be a selfish lover.”

“No, of course not, you’re a very fair person… squeeze harder. No, _harder_. Yes, like that. Mm, _just_ like that.” Jack hummed and caught a finger in the waist of his sweats to pull them down until Ralph had to let go of him, his cock bouncing up to tap against his stomach without interference. “Do that again.”

“Yes, whatever you want,” Ralph said. Jack idly wondered what Ralph’s hobbies were to give him such a strong grip, touch rough enough to send sparks shivering through Jack’s skin, and when he came in just a few strokes it was a shock. He hadn’t realized how close he’d gotten just from handling Ralph, but apparently something about this ridiculous situation really did it for Jack. 

“Mm… get cozy,” Jack said, standing up long enough to ditch his own stained clothes into the laundry basket that had tripped Ralph in the first place before sliding back under the covers. “If you sleepwalk again, I’m totally going to pinch you until you wake up, you menace.”

“That’s fine,” Ralph said, and he bit his lip. “Is it okay if we cuddle?”

“Yeah, get in here, you teddy bear,” Jack said, not expecting the thoroughness with which Ralph took advantage of the invitation, one arm and one leg thrown over Jack and his head resting on Jack’s chest, settling in with a happy sigh. “Jeez, you’re a full contact cuddler, huh?”

“When I’m allowed to be,” Ralph said in a tone of voice that said he expected to have that permission revoked immediately. Jack didn’t say anything, just settled a hand on the back of Ralph’s neck and rubbed his thumb along Ralph’s hairline and didn’t stop until he heard a soft snore.

The alarm on Jack’s phone went off at 6:30, but when he went to reach for it he found that during the night they’d gotten thoroughly tangled together while they slept. Ralph mumbled something and pushed his head into Jack’s chest, and then his head popped up and his eyes shot open, blinking at Jack in disbelief.

“I knew you just needed to relax,” Jack said smugly, and swatted at his phone until it shut up. “Now shift off, you’re crazy sweaty.”

“Sorry,” Ralph said, “good morning, sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jack said, worrying very much about what it meant that he didn’t mind waking up mostly underneath a sweaty nerd who’d been intensely cuddling him for six hours. This was probably going to backfire magnificently at some point, like all of his schemes did sooner or later, but… until it fell apart, he was just going to let himself enjoy the freely given affection. After all, living with Ralph was pretty all right except for the sleepwalking, and if that was being replaced with orgasms and snuggling, Jack had no reason to try to make him leave any time soon.


End file.
